him: that was a weak...sad version of me...
that gives into fleshly desire....
me: so u regret it
me: ?
him: to be honest....
him: i wouldve rather that it didnt happen...
me:then y didnt u jus stop?
its not like i was seducing you
him: i wanted to...
but once it started....
it was like..., "great going *confuser*"
me: once what started? the me sayin stop and laughing so that it wouldnt get weird again like it did las summer? or once u got in for a second?
him: once i got in for a sec...
The Confusers confession,
It is now high time that you all realize why I call him the confuser, U see he is having an internal struggle as he likes to say trying to be devoted to God but then giving into to fleshly desires. Here's the thing, I didnt tempt you, I actually tried to stop you, but you kept going...isnt that interesting? So now im a sin. Now I am one big huge sin, a mistake he made and now repents for, but takes so long to apologize to me for. How am I supposed to feel as a mistake? How does a mistake feel? How should I feel as the girl who was just your mistake?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Confuser, Destroyer, and the Shaker...somehow less interesting than Narnia tho...
I would first like to offer up some back story about him. the him that I'm referring to is no other than he the proverbial golden child that returns ever so often, whenever my life is calm to shake it up, confuse me, and ultimately destroy everything I have established. With this said we will turn our attention to the interesting events that took place yesterday afternoon up until about 1pm or so today
"I will turn your teddy bear around, and make him watch me make love to you..." - The confuser
so he says this to me, well types it to me, I guess you would say, through aim at about 3:30 pm or so yesterday afternoon. Of course me being me and having a certain perception of him...I am stunned. Thats rite, SPEECHLESS. I, KIMMY KO YU, am STRUCK SPEECHLESS at this point. Ladies, you know how a man can say something to u that makes shivers dance up your spine? or causes you to close your eyes and fantasize what it would be like? *Well if not, you my dear are being exposed to the wrong men, shall I continue?* :) Now as I was implying, though I was indeed struck suddenly speechless by his "outburst" I was un-doubtly intrigued. So I asked for his help in helping me pick out the perfect dress for an event coming up. He agreed immediately to provide his male opinion in reference to my appearance. >>>>>>Fast Forward>>>> We walk into my apartment, and eat with my roomie on the couch we watch 300 and laugh amongst ourselves and then we pick out the dress, all 3 of us mind you, then suddenly my roomate was gone and I had my appointed dress. So of course he lays across my bed and says he wants to see it on, pulling me closer to him by my left hand until I am on the bed with him face to face and feeling his warmth, he goes in for the kiss and I feel the tingling feeling come over my entire body. So of course I get up and exclaim that i need to wash my hair. With that I walk into my private bath and closed the door behind me, lock it, and took my shower/ washed my hair. i exited the bathroom in my pjs and a towel wrapped around my hair, and asked him what we would watch next, he replied that he wanted to watch me, and that he could watch me the entire nite. The kissing continued, I fought back against the petting, the fingering, the whispers and kisses on and around my neck but in vain as i found him once again pressed up close to my body inside of me beggin me to stop fighting back as he whispered "I want you" and "please" breathing deeply stroking and watching me react to his every calculated movement that reminded me of who he was and what he could do to me. You see it had been a year since he disturbed my world and I fell so deeply for this man. This man who at the moment was indeed "loving" me in front of my teddy bear. It was glorious, we spoke in hushed tones the entire time as he stroked not jus my body, or part of, but my heart as well. He gets into me that way, and every way in between. I awoke this morning to rays of sun dancing on his chocolate face and reflecting into my sleepy eyes as I laid across his strong chest and felt his breaths as mine. We breathe in time without trying, and yet we are not and may never be "together". Confusing? well that is the point i dare say. we talked a lot of it out las nite as he begged for me to understand that he does truly care about me, and to also realize that his whispered "want" for me streched beyond just my body. Tonite we are supposed to discuss this among other thing, hopefully we will get to it tonite ;).
"You love me, that's what love is, you can take me from any woman I will ever be with, because I love you like that, because Im not gone love her like how I do you..."- The Destroyer
First I want to say that I have known him for a total of 6 years. We started dating at the end of year 1. He has taught me what the words Love, pain, hurt, hate, lie, and death truly mean. You see he is a destroyer, THE destroyer if you will. The boy I was with before him he stole me from, in all earnest I was indeed ready to go...but he provided more than an escape but what could be viewed as an upgrade even. Well several pregnancies on his part, *not of my own but from girls he was with while with me* , a few car crashes, criminal incidents, me leaving for college, him getting locked up let out and locked out again, and failed in between romances later, here we are. Well here I am, he remains in the town which I was at some point in life forced to regard as "home". For what ever reason I remained so in love with him that I let him destroy 3 relationships all with guys who did not deserve this treatment. It's just that I loved him so. To bring you up to speed he is, by some practical joke the angels and fate are playing on me, now living with my sister in order to help get himself back on track. * I really will not even begin to go into this as this entry could very well end up being 100 pages long and the surface of this aggravation would yet to be scratched* So he says things like that to me, that he loves me and misses me and all this other nonsense, but you know what? I don't miss him! This is the first time in my life that he has expected me to come to him and I have refused, refused with not only a smile but a feeling of extreme content as he no longer infects my system. You see he used to destroy not only our relationship and my relationships with others, but he used to destroy me, everytime he would leave, cheat, or lie to me. Every time he wwould promise to do better and end up doing worse, every time he ate my pussy and would say "uhh baby u taste soo good" not because I did but because he couldn't remember my name while face deep inside of me...*laughs*. I cannot be destroyed by him anymore, It's over, I am indeed free from him. :)
"There is no doubt in my mind that I will marry you some day...but just not now, I love you"- The Shaker
I love him. I do I love him, but I feel like there is something missing from our love and I just don't know what it is. I know that no relationship is perfect, but in the back of my mind in the deepest places in my heart I know that something is wrong. Something is missing, something is keeping us from being one. Even though he feels that we are, I just don't know? Afraid of commitment, well maybe a little, but I feel as though I would be able to commit if we had this one essential, yet secret ingredient. No the sex isn't as mind blowing, as the confusers, but he makes up for it in passion, and pussy licking...lets be honest you want a girl to love you eat her until she passes out and then keep eating until she has an orgasm in her sleep and wakes up from intense pleasure of your tounge tickling her kitten! I know it sounds a lil bit porn novel and of course I exaggerated jus a lil bit...but you get the idea!! I want to love him unconditionally, hes a good guy, if I were to have his children he would take care of me and them as well. He treats me like his queen and I love him so much. But am I IN LOVE with him anymore? Have I outgrown him? I just don't know. He shakes me up in side, kinda like droppin a pepsi bottle and then opening it up right then and there instead of waiting for the carbonation to resettle...*sigh* How will I figure out what to do about this? What will I do about this?
The answer of course is to jus wait it out with the shaker, ditch forever the destroyer, and talk to the confuser tonite to see what is going on in his head...TTFN
Kimmy Ko Yu
"I will turn your teddy bear around, and make him watch me make love to you..." - The confuser
so he says this to me, well types it to me, I guess you would say, through aim at about 3:30 pm or so yesterday afternoon. Of course me being me and having a certain perception of him...I am stunned. Thats rite, SPEECHLESS. I, KIMMY KO YU, am STRUCK SPEECHLESS at this point. Ladies, you know how a man can say something to u that makes shivers dance up your spine? or causes you to close your eyes and fantasize what it would be like? *Well if not, you my dear are being exposed to the wrong men, shall I continue?* :) Now as I was implying, though I was indeed struck suddenly speechless by his "outburst" I was un-doubtly intrigued. So I asked for his help in helping me pick out the perfect dress for an event coming up. He agreed immediately to provide his male opinion in reference to my appearance. >>>>>>Fast Forward>>>> We walk into my apartment, and eat with my roomie on the couch we watch 300 and laugh amongst ourselves and then we pick out the dress, all 3 of us mind you, then suddenly my roomate was gone and I had my appointed dress. So of course he lays across my bed and says he wants to see it on, pulling me closer to him by my left hand until I am on the bed with him face to face and feeling his warmth, he goes in for the kiss and I feel the tingling feeling come over my entire body. So of course I get up and exclaim that i need to wash my hair. With that I walk into my private bath and closed the door behind me, lock it, and took my shower/ washed my hair. i exited the bathroom in my pjs and a towel wrapped around my hair, and asked him what we would watch next, he replied that he wanted to watch me, and that he could watch me the entire nite. The kissing continued, I fought back against the petting, the fingering, the whispers and kisses on and around my neck but in vain as i found him once again pressed up close to my body inside of me beggin me to stop fighting back as he whispered "I want you" and "please" breathing deeply stroking and watching me react to his every calculated movement that reminded me of who he was and what he could do to me. You see it had been a year since he disturbed my world and I fell so deeply for this man. This man who at the moment was indeed "loving" me in front of my teddy bear. It was glorious, we spoke in hushed tones the entire time as he stroked not jus my body, or part of, but my heart as well. He gets into me that way, and every way in between. I awoke this morning to rays of sun dancing on his chocolate face and reflecting into my sleepy eyes as I laid across his strong chest and felt his breaths as mine. We breathe in time without trying, and yet we are not and may never be "together". Confusing? well that is the point i dare say. we talked a lot of it out las nite as he begged for me to understand that he does truly care about me, and to also realize that his whispered "want" for me streched beyond just my body. Tonite we are supposed to discuss this among other thing, hopefully we will get to it tonite ;).
"You love me, that's what love is, you can take me from any woman I will ever be with, because I love you like that, because Im not gone love her like how I do you..."- The Destroyer
First I want to say that I have known him for a total of 6 years. We started dating at the end of year 1. He has taught me what the words Love, pain, hurt, hate, lie, and death truly mean. You see he is a destroyer, THE destroyer if you will. The boy I was with before him he stole me from, in all earnest I was indeed ready to go...but he provided more than an escape but what could be viewed as an upgrade even. Well several pregnancies on his part, *not of my own but from girls he was with while with me* , a few car crashes, criminal incidents, me leaving for college, him getting locked up let out and locked out again, and failed in between romances later, here we are. Well here I am, he remains in the town which I was at some point in life forced to regard as "home". For what ever reason I remained so in love with him that I let him destroy 3 relationships all with guys who did not deserve this treatment. It's just that I loved him so. To bring you up to speed he is, by some practical joke the angels and fate are playing on me, now living with my sister in order to help get himself back on track. * I really will not even begin to go into this as this entry could very well end up being 100 pages long and the surface of this aggravation would yet to be scratched* So he says things like that to me, that he loves me and misses me and all this other nonsense, but you know what? I don't miss him! This is the first time in my life that he has expected me to come to him and I have refused, refused with not only a smile but a feeling of extreme content as he no longer infects my system. You see he used to destroy not only our relationship and my relationships with others, but he used to destroy me, everytime he would leave, cheat, or lie to me. Every time he wwould promise to do better and end up doing worse, every time he ate my pussy and would say "uhh baby u taste soo good" not because I did but because he couldn't remember my name while face deep inside of me...*laughs*. I cannot be destroyed by him anymore, It's over, I am indeed free from him. :)
"There is no doubt in my mind that I will marry you some day...but just not now, I love you"- The Shaker
I love him. I do I love him, but I feel like there is something missing from our love and I just don't know what it is. I know that no relationship is perfect, but in the back of my mind in the deepest places in my heart I know that something is wrong. Something is missing, something is keeping us from being one. Even though he feels that we are, I just don't know? Afraid of commitment, well maybe a little, but I feel as though I would be able to commit if we had this one essential, yet secret ingredient. No the sex isn't as mind blowing, as the confusers, but he makes up for it in passion, and pussy licking...lets be honest you want a girl to love you eat her until she passes out and then keep eating until she has an orgasm in her sleep and wakes up from intense pleasure of your tounge tickling her kitten! I know it sounds a lil bit porn novel and of course I exaggerated jus a lil bit...but you get the idea!! I want to love him unconditionally, hes a good guy, if I were to have his children he would take care of me and them as well. He treats me like his queen and I love him so much. But am I IN LOVE with him anymore? Have I outgrown him? I just don't know. He shakes me up in side, kinda like droppin a pepsi bottle and then opening it up right then and there instead of waiting for the carbonation to resettle...*sigh* How will I figure out what to do about this? What will I do about this?
The answer of course is to jus wait it out with the shaker, ditch forever the destroyer, and talk to the confuser tonite to see what is going on in his head...TTFN
Kimmy Ko Yu
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